me bw2

sboman


You can read my mind...

a blog by Stephanie Boman


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Darling Daughter's Departure
me bw2
sboman

 

When I pass her room and see the boxes piled up my heart hurts. When I step into her empty closet my gut wrenches. When I lay on her bed and smell her scent I lose it. Darling Daughter is leaving for Oregon on Labor day. The enormity and finality of it is washing over me like a tidal wave and threatening to sweep me out into oblivion. Why didn't I paint toenails with her more often, take her to lunch, shop when she wanted to? I always thought there'd be more time for that, but my heart hammers as I realize time's up.

I am not a helicopter parent. I do not hover. I am excited for my daughter to be independent and well-adjusted. I just love her so much.

She was a freshman at community college this past year and we saw so many changes. She was beginning to emerge from the teenage egocentricity (emerge, mind you, not free of). She learned to take responsibility for herself, especially with her schooling and finances. The enormous relief to a parent that comes from the end of nagging is indescribable. We were able to start a new chapter in life. One where she became a dear sister to Wee One, a friend to me and a source of pride to her dad.

We only got to enjoy one year of it. Husband and I agree that it would have been much easier if she had left shortly after high school. Mother nature produces those strains through the adolescent years for a reason. It's a way to begin the eventual separation. We were always close, but the drama was really hard to endure. Tensions were high, but they've disappeared significantly since then.

I could list a thousand little things I will miss with her gone. But I'm trying not to be selfish and concerned only with what I'm losing. I'm trying to be excited for her new adventure. I haven't cried in front of her yet, I don't want her to feel more homesick. I already made husband cry, though. It will be tough for all of us.

I'm making a herculean effort to hold it together. I know all of our good times together are not over. We can still paint toenails, go out to lunch and shop when we visit. I'm going to enjoy watching her spread her wings and start this new phase of life, and treasure the parts I get to yet share with her.

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:( (((HUGS))) I've never been through this, even as a daughter. I went to a local university (and came home almost every weekend, all five years -- plus, I lived at home one year, to save money). Then I lived with my parents until I was 29 (because I ran a school and had no money). I still have 10 years before we'll go through this with my son (I don't think it'll be as hard with him, but who knows?) -- and 12 before DD will be off to college. My thoughts with you all!

thanks Robin - I hope you handle it better than I do when it's your turn!

Awwww. Right there with ya...

I totally understand everything you're experiencing. I sent my son off for two years in Chile in July. My husband and I have experienced the same range of emotion and experiences you wrote about -- and despite knowing that it's an important step for them and I want him to stand independently, it's still hard. Hugs!

Is he on his mission? We have so many boys from our ward going to South America. In a way I'm glad we didn't have boys - I don't know how I could stand that. Though DD is considering one herself and I would wholly support it. I know that blessings come and they're all the better for it in the end.

Yes, he is on a mission. He had his 19th birthday in the MTC yesterday. He'll leave for South America the end of the month. It is exciting and wonderful and hard all at once. But I'm glad he chose to go. Good luck with your daughter leaving, I'll be thinking of you.

Stephanie,
My own DD is almost 16, and of course she's been my priority all her life. Now we are going through some turbulent times, where at times she's feels ready to move out, and times when she can't be away from me. Sheesh!
It seems you all make a very loving family, I would like to say: don't be too hard on yourself for struggling with this separation it seems like a natural reaction and very touching.
Hang in there : )


You will still have time to see her, to do fun things with her, to make new memories. It's just a new chapter of both of your lives--but a good chapter!

From Cari

(Anonymous)
You're such a good Mom!!!! I wish you much healing and happiness!!!!

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